By: Cam Ray
Within the world of the online Star Wars fandom, I have recently had my eyes opened to some of the darker elements of the Force through witnessing harassment, disrespect, and a lack of empathy. I should say my eyes have been opened wider, as these are all elements in our human experience of life–in our imperfect world–of which I am aware. While I have lived a fairly safe and happy life, I am aware that many people have a life experience of being mistreated, and many times beyond comprehension. There’s another level beyond awareness– a responsibility to act–that occurs, however, when you know someone personally who is hurting or who is a victim.
While we could spend novels worth of words discussing the inner workings and motivations of the harasser, the bully, or the rude and scruffy lookin’ nerfherder, I think most of us fall into the other categories of people which include: the victim, family member, friend, acquaintance, or passerby. Because of this, our focus will be on the latter, and not on the bully. And for the sake of being on the same page, let’s agree that any form of harassment or bullying is wrong, selfish, or–at the very least–unnecessary. The form of harassment or bullying doesn’t need to be specified, as all forms of treating others badly is wrong, be it verbal, physical, or emotional. This is also a Star Wars blog, so I will try to address this in a less heavy-handed way, and by looking through the lens of our favorite fictional galaxy.
The very worst spot you can find yourself in is as the victim. For analogy’s sake, meet our victim, Anakin Skywalker. This boy knew what it was to be a victim. Sold into slavery as a child, along with his loving mother, he was dealt a bad Sabacc hand from the very beginning. Like many victims, he adjusted to his less-than-perfect life and made the best of it, discovering and improving upon his talents, and trying to not focus on the injustice that was being done to him and his mother. Although he was freed from slavery by Qui-Gon Jinn–the greatest example of a Jedi (another topic for another day)–Anakin was not freed from being a victim. For a period, he was a victim to his own negative thoughts, beating himself up over needing to go back and free his mom, and eventually over not being able to save her from her own victimization.
When someone is victimized, many times they can become unaware of the severity of their position until it seems to be too late. This can lead to a variety of responses, depending on the victim. Some people remain silent and don’t reach out for help, while others–like Anakin–try to escape and avenge the wrongdoers themselves, thinking they are helping or saving others by not bringing them into the situation. Neither one of these responses is the right response, as the first response of silence gives the abuser continued or even increased power, and the second response of handling matters alone places others in the path of someone who may act irrationally–or even abusive–because they are not in a good place mentally, physically, or emotionally. The victim is in a place which requires help from an outside source. Since the victim is not always going to ask for help, this means the outside source first needs to recognize the victim needs help and secondly needs to make the decision to help. The awareness of a need and the call to action both fall on the shoulders of someone connected to the victim. The question is, what type of connection do you have with the victim in your path? Are you a passerby, an acquaintance, a friend, or family?
One type of relation to the victim is that of the passerby. Today’s passerby will be portrayed by Jar Jar Binks. When Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon run into him–literally–on Naboo while trying to escape from thousands of battle droids, they are in need of help. Jar Jar–seeing their situation, not knowing anything about them but their need for help–chooses to take action and leads them to safety in the city of Otoh Gunga. While Jar Jar was in the right place at the right time to help the Jedi, he would have been no help to them had they landed on a different part of Naboo. This is because he had no prior relationship to the Jedi.
I am encouraged by the lanky Gungan, though, because every day we come in close proximity to people who may be in need of help. This help may be as simple as giving a smile, offering a kind word, or helping someone load groceries into their car while they deal with a crying child. While the passerby can be of great help to a victim of a one-time circumstance, they may not be in the best position to help someone who is a long-suffering victim. This is because they are lacking one key ingredient: a relationship with the victim.
An acquaintance, unlike a passerby, has some form of a relationship with the victim. This relationship could be as a co-worker or an online contact with whom you’ve shared some interactions. Our acquaintance for today will be Han Solo. Han’s life was filled with mostly acquaintances, due to quite a few personal issues from his past. When Han becomes an acquaintance with Luke and Obi-Wan, he agrees to help them. True, he was helping for the money to save his Han hide from Jabba, but he was helping, nonetheless. When the going got tough, though, he was out, but then he showed back up. Then he was out again. And then he was forced to stay and helped some more. This is the help pattern of an acquaintance.
Now, a less “complicated” acquaintance, like yourself, may stay and help rather than being a fair-weather helper, but the point is, an acquaintance isn’t fully invested in the victim, or the person needing help. They don’t really know them well enough to know what they need. I was always frustrated with Han when he abandoned his friends, but I now realize that at the time they were acquaintances to him. With acquaintances, there is usually a price that can buy your attention away. That price may be in the form of a personal problem or a close friend or family member who needs help.
This leads us into the friend zone. At some point a friendship may form between two acquaintances. This bond is closer than that of being acquaintances in that the two parties know more personal details about each other, share a commonality of interests, and ultimately feel a mutual sense of safety and trust. Friends are able to have more intimate conversations with one another, being vulnerable regarding weaknesses or struggles. While Han moved past the acquaintance zone and became even more than a friend to a certain princess, Jedi master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, will be our featured friend. Obi-Wan was thrown into a Master/Apprentice relationship with Anakin by promising to finish the training Qui-Gon began, and while doing so he progressed from being an acquaintance of Anakin’s to becoming his friend. The experiences the two Jedi shared, most notably their comradery throughout the Clone Wars, soldered a bond between them, leaving them as close as brothers. Because of this bond, Obi-Wan had earned the right and position to notice a problem and to confront Anakin regarding the harmful choices he was making.
Anakin was still a victim, however. Knowing his past hurt and future potential, Palpatine began grooming Anakin from the time he began his training. Also, Anakin’s response to his victimization, in the form of single-handedly (pun intended) taking on the weight of the galaxy, was to react in a way that ended up victimizing others–even Padmé, whom he loved the most.
Obi-Wan cared so deeply for his friend, though, that–even after Anakin turn against him, forcing them to fight to the death (or near death)–he spent the rest of his life watching and protecting Anakin’s son from the grasp of the Dark Side. When the time came, Obi-Wan continued down a righteous path by saving, befriending, and guiding Luke towards becoming his best self, culminating in Obi-Wan sacrificing his own life in order for Luke to complete his journey to become a Jedi. If that isn’t true friendship, then Baby Yoda is a womp rat.
While Obi-Wan and Anakin were like brothers, there is a bond that is even closer. That bond is family. And one can’t talk about Star Wars without talking about family. There is a special connection that comes along with being part of a family that is greater than all others. When we are born, adopted, or married into a family–there is a power that binds us together, for better or for worse. This is why a kind, supportive, and loving family member can have such a strong impact on one’s self-worth, confidence, and success in life, while an abusive, degrading, and hateful family member can burden you with self-doubt, fear, and a feeling of failure in life.
Our family member of a long time ago is none other than the Hutt-slaying Princess-General, Leia Organa. While there are so many points that can be made to prove Leia’s heart for and action towards helping others (it was her entire life’s work), it’s her steady hope and pleas to her son, Ben, in her final moments that helped bring him back to the light, reflecting her strength and love for him. There was nothing too evil, even murdering his own father, that could completely sever the bond Leia had with her son.
Being a parent, this resonates so loudly and true with me. I would do anything for my children, and will always welcome them into my arms, no matter how far they may stray. I hope and believe that they, too, feel the same way about me as their father. As a child, I resonated with Luke and his final pleas with his father, Anakin, and how he was able to bring him back to the light, breaking away the time-hardened victim shell, which was Darth Vader. Only family possess a strong enough influence to provide that powerful of a level of help and rescue.
In order for us to be able to help others, beyond holding the door for the sweet old lady at the gas station, we need to establish authentic, caring relationships with those in our life and its path. If you have acquaintances in your life, either online or in the physical world, try sticking around for a bit, listen to them, and get to know each other. You may become friends. If you have friends in your life, either online or in the physical world, listen even harder, encourage and celebrate them, and see how you can get to know them even better, strengthening that friendship. You may begin to see those friends–the ones that you have shared irreplaceable positive and life-changing experiences with–as family.
Your level of impact and influence on someone needing help is directly corelated to the quality of your relationship with them. In order to truly recognize what someone needs, when they are hurting, or why they are acting or reacting a certain way, it requires an Obi-Wan-sized investment beforehand. My wish is that we can all reach Leia status with those friends in our individual planets of influence, so that when one of us needs help we will always have a small but mighty Rebellion ready to listen, to respond in wisdom and love, and to even fight for us, if needed. Our friendship and kindness may be the spark someone else needed in order to light their fire of hope and healing.
May the Force be with you always!